


Guilt

by Akame_Dragneel



Series: Only the nine of us [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Blood, Description of blood don't read if you don't like it, Gen, Guilty Pleasures, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-06-09 15:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akame_Dragneel/pseuds/Akame_Dragneel
Summary: Blood.There was blood.Jisung’s blood.His bandmate. His friend. His brother’s blood.*The guilt he had after what he did. It wasn't his fault, but know, he felt so guilty for shouting to him. Because he'll maybe never be able to excuse...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning! If you din't like blood don't read please!  
> Disclaimer: I love Stray Kids and don't want any of these to happen to them! Everything is fictional!

It was a rainy day. The boys had a lot of schedules that day. They had practice, an interview and now they were doing a photoshoot. 

It was funny. They were all joking around, screaming and running everywhere like little kids. Well, at least the maknae line. Woojin was talking with the staff and Chan was trying to catch some sleep. Minho and Changbin were doing their solo photoshoot. 

Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin, who were done with their photoshoot, were playing around. Hyunjin, being clingy as always, was trying to hug Seungmin while the said boy was trying to escape from the older. The three others were just running and screaming, being loud as always. 

“Boys, stop with all the noise please.” 

But with no surprise, they didn't listen to the leader, still being loud. 

This time, Woojin, being tired with the youngers' noise, was the one who asked them to stop. 

“Hey, Chan already asked you to be quiet, right?” 

And this time, they shut down. 

Well, at least for ten minutes, before Jisung «accidentally » hit Hyunjin who « accidentally » poured water on the rapper. 

“Jisung! Hyunjin ! Stop acting like babies! Jisung what the heck, why is your shirt wet? The stylists are going to be mad!” 

Chan wasn't the type to get angry easily. Especially when it was about his members. But now he was tired and the maknae line was going too far. It was enough for him. 

“Sorry Hyung... “ 

And thanks to that, they calmed down. They seemed a little scared, but he didn't notice it, slowly closing his eyes. These days, because they were getting ready for a new comeback, they didn't have a lot of sleep nor time. Especially 3racha since they were the one producing their songs and of course, Chan, being the leader, was almost not sleeping. 

So, the rare moments when he could close his eyes for more than one hour were golden for him. It was also surprising how the rest of the boys were energetic enough to run around like this. Even if, because of their trainee days, they were used to not sleep a lot, it was surprising. Especially for Jisung, who, like Chan and Changbin, was getting the less amount of sleep. 

Chan just ignored that the boy was doing this so the other boys were relaxed. Because he was the mood maker, the one lightning the atmosphere and he always thought that he was responsible of the others' comfort. 

And that's why, when he saw how silent they all got after Chan reprimanded them, he tried to make them laugh. 

“Chan told us to stop, Jisung. You shouldn't continue.” 

But he ignored Seungmin's words as he continued annoying Hyunjin, which made Jeongin laugh. 

And of course, Chan being the light sleeper he was, woke up at the noise. 

“Jisung for God's sake, it's enough! If you want to act like a fucking child then go outside! You're eighteen not five!” 

Chan's voice was scary and angry enough to make Jisung shut in the instant, widening his eyes and looking to the ground. Chan usually never screamed to them. He's always been someone calm. But of course, because they had to do a comeback two month after the last one, he was under pressure. 

And Jisung felt guilty. He shouldn't have acted like a child. Chan was right, he was eighteen not five. He should let his tired leader sleep. 

Before he could excuse himself to the bathroom, Chan leaved them, going away. And it made feel Jisung more guilty. 

“You should know your limit, Jisung.” Was what Woojin said after, following Chan to see where the younger went. 

Nobody mentioned the fact that they only shouted to Jisung and not to the others who were as loud as him, but they all thought about it. It was unfair, but it was always like this. Jisung would be the responsible one, even if Hyunjin was older. 

They didn't know if it was because he was a part of 3racha or because Chan knew him the longest, but it was always like this. 

And so they waited for the photoshoot to be over, in silence, Jisung looking to the ground, clearly uncomfortable. 

When everyone finished their photoshoot, they could finally go to their dorm to rest a little bit. They were all tired and washing up after removing the uncomfortable clothes the staff gave and also the makeup was all they wanted. 

While they were going to go out, their manager came to see them. 

“Boys, there's a little probleme with the van, so we will drive you home with the staff's car.” 

“Is everything okay?” Chan asked, concerned about what was wrong with their usual van. 

“Yes, it's nothing severe don't worry Bang Chan, it'll be okay by tomorrow.” 

Looking reassured with what their manager said, Chan nodded. 

There were three cars, one for four members and the other two with 3 free places each. They didn't mind about the arrangement as they all went into random cars, all they wanted was to go home. 

Woojin, Jeongin and Seungmin went into one car together while Changbin and Minho went in the other one. So the rest of them went into the last car, the one with four places. 

Chan take the passenger place while the three others went in the back: Felix was behind Chan, Jisung in the middle and Hyunjin behind the driver. 

“Why are there no seatbelts?” 

Felix was right. In the back there were no seat belt, Chan and the driver were the only one who had one. 

“Ah, my bad. We needed to change the belt so for now there are not available.” The driver- a staff they didn’t know- said. 

“It’s okay, it’s not like we’re going to die because we don’t wear it for once.” 

After what Hyunjin said, nobody questioned more about the seatbelts and they relaxed, ready to go home. 

The ride was silent. Chan had his eyes shut, almost asleep. Hyunjin was looking outside while Felix was listening to some music. Jisung wasn’t doing anything. Since Chan shouted, he felt uncomfortable and guilty. He was just looking to his feet. He was the type to think a lot, which wasn’t always the right thing for him to do. 

The ride wasn’t long. Their photoshoot location was at 30-40 minutes from their dorms. But, when they arrived near to where they live, instead of taking the right way, the driver turned to the other way. 

“Umm... Our dorms were at the other side...” 

As Hyunjin said that, Jisung also looked at the window, only to notice the same thing as the other millennial. But the driver didn’t answer and continued driving in the wrong direction. 

“Sir? It’s not the good way.” 

He also ignored Jisung. But this time, Felix and Chan also heard what the others said. 

“Hey! Where are you driving us? Is that a sick joke or something?” Chan shouted to the driver. It was getting scary now. They saw how he was taking road they didn’t know anymore. 

Again, there was no answer. The driver didn’t even look to them, driving like everything was normal, which scared more and more the 00’ line while Chan was getting angry. 

“Where the fuck are you going? Reply!” Chan shouted again, grabbing the man’s arm. But when the man turned his head to look at Chan with a pissed face, he saw Felix, trying to send a message with his phone. 

And, without anyone noticing it, out of nowhere, he pointed a gun to the youngest Aussie, still driving the car in the desert location. The boy’s eyes widened, as well as the other members. Now, all of them were scared. Scared when they saw how the man was holding a gun to their member’s head. 

And that’s when the man finally spoke. 

“Don’t you fucking dare doing anything.” 

Felix didn’t answer, trembling with fear even if he was trying to hide it. 

“Give your phone. Now.” 

Felix immediately obeyed and gave his phone to the man who let the wheel to take his phone and throw it out of the window. He wasn’t the type to get easily scared like this, but when he saw what could happen if he didn’t obey, he forgot his pride. 

“The three others, give me your phone too.” His voice was sharp, they couldn’t talk back. 

And directly, he thrown the phone put of the window, shocking the members. 

Hyunjin, shaking, handed his phone to the man who still had his gun pointed to Felix. The man took the phone harshly before doing the same thing he did to the blonde’s phone. 

Chan, first hesitating, finally gave his phone as well when he heard Felix gasping with fear because of the gun. 

The only one who didn’t do anything was Jisung. 

“Your phone.” 

“I-I don’t have it.” Jisung said, trying to stop his voice from shaking. 

None of them liked this situation. None of them had planned to be in this situation. And now they couldn’t even call someone to save them. 

Plus, they were afraid for the five other members. Were they doing good? Were they in the same situation? 

“Don’t play the smartass with me. Give your fucking phone unless you want your friend’s brain to fly out of his head. “ 

“Jisung give it. Don’t try anything.” Was what Chan added, afraid that one of the boys could be hurt. He didn’t know what Jisung was trying to do, but it wasn’t good. 

The man, who was looking to the road sometimes to be sure that no one was near and also that he was in the good way, still had his gun pointed to Felix. 

“I don’t have it! I forgot it on the studio before coming for the photoshoot!” He said, showing the inside of his pockets as a proof. 

The man didn’t say anything for a while, before taking the gun out of Felix’s view. 

“Fine. But, if I see you trying anything against me...” 

And a loud “bang” was heard in the car as the back window broke because of the bullet. The noise was followed with the maknae line’s screaming, Hyunjin holding Jisung’s arm while the boy held Felix’s hand. Chan flinched to the noise as well, holding strongly his seat. He wanted to be next to the youngers, to reassure them. But right now, he couldn’t even reassure himself. 

“It’s what will happen to you. Understand?” His voice was even more scary. 

Jisung quickly nodded, holding strongly Felix while Hyunjin was hugging his arm. They were trying to reassure themselves like they could. 

After that, he looked back in front of him, holding the wheel with both of his hand, the gun still in his right hand. 

Chan didn’t know what to do. He wanted to protect the youngers, he did. But if he tried anything, they were just going to get hurt. Plus, now they didn’t have any way to call for help. So, Chan decided to look outside, in case anything could help them later. But of course, they didn’t even know what was happening. 

The ride continued for a while, in silence, the maknaes hugging together to get as much comfort as they could. But Jisung, being in the middle, noticed something. The man was taking off his seat belt and was going driving faster. 

Then, he looked outside. It was late, it was still raining, faster than before and the sky was dark already. The road was desert, they didn’t even know where they were. And Jisung also saw that at their right, there was a gulch. 

And now he understood what was happening, so he held Hyunjin and Felix even more strongly, hoping that he was not right. 

But when he saw the man turning the wheel to the right before going faster and opening his door, he knew that he was right. 

Everything happened in a few seconds. Jisung screamed on the top of his lungs, screaming for Chan to hold somewhere while the youngers were screaming and hugging as well. The man jumped out of the car, and they tried to do the same, but of course, the doors were locked. 

“Hyung!” 

They all screamed. 

And, after those few seconds, everything went black for Jisung. 

But he could still feel how his body hurt. 

* * *

The car crashed. The windows broke, but thankfully there wasn’t fire. 

Chan didn’t felt pain, except for the cuts he had because of the broken windows but he didn’t care. He looked around him to see his members and also the situation. 

The car landed on his four wheels, like if it didn’t roll off the gulch. Which was probably why he wasn’t injured. 

When he looked on his back to look for his members, he stopped breathing for a moment. 

_They didn’t have their seatbelts on, of course it wasn’t going to end well..._

Felix had hit his head on Chan’s seat, and despite the dark outside, Chan could see that blood was running over the unconscious boy’s head. 

Hyunjin, who tried to protect himself with his arms, didn’t have visible injury on his head, but the half-conscious boy’s groans of pain were enough for Chan to understand that he wasn’t okay. 

“Felix? Hyunjin?” 

No answers. And if it wasn’t for the slow move of their chest, showing that they were breathing, Chan could think that they were.... he doesn’t even want to think about that. 

And he finally noticed it. 

The middle place wasn’t occupied. 

Jisung wasn’t there. He wasn’t between Hyunjin and Felix as he was supposed to. 

Chan panicked. Where was the younger? Where could he be? The fear he felt in that instant... he couldn’t explain it. The burning in his chest, the feeling in his stomach, the _fear._ It was worse than physical pain. 

Slowly, like he was afraid of what he could see, of what happened, he turned his head in front of him. 

And he saw it. He saw _him_. 

Jisung wasn’t in the car. Being in the middle, without his belt, he flew out of the car, breaking the window. 

He was lying on the ground, just before the car. 

Chan’s eyes widened at the view. He quickly opened the door- or what was left from the door- and run to the boy, ignoring how his body hurts or how he was walking on glass. 

Blood. 

There was blood. 

Jisung’s blood. 

His bandmate. His friend. His brother’s blood. 

It was all over the boy who was lying on his back, his eyes shut. His body was covered with cuts, and a tin line of blood was running on the side of his head. 

And that’s when Chan saw where all the blood came from. 

A big wound was on his stomach, bleeding abundantly. A piece of the car was probably what caused it. 

Chan couldn’t hear anything at the moment. Not the wind blowing behind him, not the smoke escaping from the car or the police siren. He couldn’t see anything, except for his brother, lying on a pool of his own blood, clearly hurt. 

“Ji-Jisung!” 

His throat hurt with the smoke he breathed and his voice was shaking with terror. 

He ran next to him, taking of his jacket and pressed the bloody zone. His knuckles turned white because of all the strength he used to hold the jacket, trying to stop the bleeding. 

"Jisung! Jisung!” 

It was hurting so much. Seeing how hardly the boy was breathing, how his usually tan skin was paler and paler. It was terryfing. 

“B-breath! Please, breath! Jisung, everything will be okay, please!” 

He didn’t know if his words were supposed to reassure the boy or himself, but he was shouting those anyway. 

The ambulance came, taking the shaking blond from Jisung’s body, while Chan was screaming, asking for them to let him with Jisung. He was shaking so hard, afraid for what could happen to his member. Afraid for him to stop breathing. 

Then, he felt a mask on his face and after that, everything was blur, but he could still remember the fear and how everything hurt. 

* * *

They were all waiting in the hospital’s hallway. Waiting for news about their members. 

While they were waiting for the four other members at the dorm, they got a call from their manager. 

“Boys, don’t panic, but we need to go to the hospital.” 

Well, of course, they panicked. They all directly made the link between their four missing members and the sudden need to go to the hospital, and they were thinking about the worse possibilities. 

And they were definitely not ready to what they were greeted with. 

The first one they could see was Chan. He was okay, except for the cuts he had because of the broken windows, but he still needed to stay in the hospital for some hours because he breathed smoke and also because of how much he was panicking, in the middle of a panic attack, when they found him. 

They were now with him, in his room, with the leader who was finally awake. 

The first thing he tried to do was to take off his oxygen mask and run to see the three others. 

“Felix! Hyunjin! Jisung! I need to see them!” 

But Woojin quickly hold him, making him stay quiet on his bed. 

“Chan, you need to let the mask, you breathed a lot of smoke. The doctors are looking to the others, please.” His voice was so pleading that Chan had to calm down. 

“How-How are they?” 

No answers. 

“Hey-” 

“We don’t know yet. From what I heard, Hyunjin is okay but they wanted to control everything anyway. No news from Felix or Jisung yet. They took them just a few minutes ago.” 

Chan stayed silent after that. He could hear Seungmin crying on a sobbing Changbin’s arms. He could see how sad Minho looked, how Jeongin was shaking on Woojin’s arm while the eldest was trying to stay strong for the others. 

“That asshole... it’s all because of him!” 

They all looked to Chan. 

“What do you mea-” 

“The driver! Where the fuck is he?” He said, trying to stand up again. But this time, before anyone stops him, their manager came in the room. 

“Bang Chan, stay calm please.” Was the first thing he said when he saw the boy trying to stand up. 

“To stay quiet. How?! It’s all because of that asshole you asked us to go with! He fucking tried to kill us!” 

He started breathing heavily, holding strongly the sheets under him. 

“Chan hyung... What do you mean?” 

Jeongin’s voice was shaking. The maknae sounded so fragile that it hurt Chan. He wasn’t the only one who was afraid. The boys were too. Jeongin was waiting for his hyungs, Seungmin to the rest of the 00’ line. Woojin was waiting for his little brothers, Minho for his best friends, Changbin for his slightly younger members. They were all waiting for a part of them, hoping that they were okay. 

“The driver. He was driving us to the wrong direction and when Felix tried to send a message to you he pointed a gun to him. He threw our phones out of the windows. Then he...” 

He couldn’t continue. Telling what happened scared him, it was like the scene was happening again. 

“Calm. Chan, breath.” 

He did what his only hyung told him to do, breathing slowly while trying to hold back his tears. He couldn’t cry. Not in front of the others. 

“He started driving faster and jumped out of the car. The car fell from a gulch and... Hyunjin, Felix and Jisung didn’t have their seat belts...” 

He didn’t say how Hyunjin was groaning with pain, how Felix’s head was bleeding or how Jisung was thrown out of the car. He didn’t want them to be even more afraid. 

The others stayed quiet, trying to understand everything. Jeongin started crying on Woojin’s arm, and Chan felt guilty. He maybe had to wait for the youngers to be away while explaining everything. 

“The driver wasn’t one of our staff. I don’t know how, but he trapped us. We’re trying to find him right now.” The manager’s voice was quiet, but Chan knew that he was really worried too as he always considered the nine boys like his sons. 

“I’m sorry. I am sure they’re going to be okay.” 

No one replied, looking to the ground. But the manager continued. 

“Hyunjin will be out soon.” They all looked to him when he said those words. The words that made their eyes filling with hope again. 

“He just has a broken arm and had a minor concussion. He needs to stay under the oxygen mask for a while, I asked them to take him in this room.” 

Hearing made them all smile. 

Hyunjin was okay. 

One of their brothers was okay, and it gave hope to the boys. 

And a part of the worry Chan had was gone. 

But the image of Jisung, lying on his own blood, was still stuck on his mind. 


	2. Chapter 2

Waiting. They were waiting. It was all they could do. 

Hyunjin was finally with them, lying on a bed next to Bang Chan’s. The boy came in their room twenty minutes after their manager told them about his condition. Talking about the man, he had to quit them to call the boy’s parents and also to ask for news about Felix and Jisung. 

Chan, who was free from his oxygen mask, was sitting next to Hyunjin’s bed, holding the boy’s cold, pale hand strongly. He was holding it like it was the only way to reassure him. The only way for him to realise that Hyunjin was here. That he was alright. Alive. That he wasn’t in the car, groaning with pain. 

Seungmin was also sitting next to the boy’s bed, holding his other hand. He was sleeping, his head reposing on the bed. 

Woojin was next to Chan’s bed, where Jeongin was sleeping, dry tears visible to anyone’s eyes. The boy fell asleep, crying in Woojin’s arm. The eldest put him on the free bed, because they were all tired. Tired because of their schedule. Tired because of the emotions. 

Changbin and Minho. The two boys weren’t doing anything. _Couldn’t_ do anything. They were both the type who disliked showing emotions. Changbin didn’t liked it, while Minho wasn’t someone to easily cry. 

But Changbin couldn’t hold it. He was looking to the ground, trying to fight the tears that tried to run all over his eyes each minute. He now discovered the worse feeling he ever had. 

_Fear._

_Fear was the worst thing in the world._

Minho wasn’t better. He wasn’t the type to cry at all, the last time he did it was during his elimination, but now, he didn’t know what to do. Each minute seemed like hours. Hours during which he had no new from his brothers. Hours during which he didn’t even knew if he was going to see them ever again. 

“Minho, Changbin, stop.” 

Silence. 

“Stop hurting yourselves. Look, Hyunjin is here with us. Chan is okay too. Jisung and Felix are going to be fine.” 

Woojin was trying. Trying to be strong for the youngers. Trying to support them. Trying to pretend he was fine. 

It was hard. Being the eldest was hard. But he needed to do it. For Felix. For Jisung. For the other members. 

For Stray Kids. 

“How were them?” 

Minho asked. His voice wasn’t harsh, but not soft either. It was almost, almost empty. 

Pained. 

“What?” 

Woojin asked, not sure about being happy or not that he finally talked. 

“Chan hyung. You were awake, right? Felix and Jisung. And Hyunjin too. How were they, during the accident?” 

Chan froze at the question. 

He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t tell them. 

_Hyunjin_ _was groaning with pain, his eyes shut, trying to fight between consciousness and unconsciousness. His arm he tried to protect himself with was weirdly reposing on his side. His face was showing so much pain._

_No, he couldn’t tell them._

So he didn’t answer. 

And Minho didn’t ask much. In a way, he understood what the silence meant. 

Suddenly, Changbin got up from his seat. 

“Changbin?” 

The boy stopped a few seconds. Trying to catch his breath, calm himself and take the calmest voice he could. 

“I need to go to the toilet.” 

And he quickly leaved the room. 

No one mentioned that there was already a toilet in the room and that he didn’t need to leave it. 

* * *

_One_. 

Inhale. 

_Two_. 

Exhale. 

_Three_. 

Breath. 

Changbin was trying to focus on the three steps, repeating them for more than five minutes now. 

_One_. 

Close your eyes. 

_Two_. 

Hold back your tears. 

_Three_. 

Open your eyes. 

He needed to be strong. Because Felix and Jisung were okay. 

Because they are alive. 

They are alive. 

They need to be. 

And Changbin was trying to believe it. 

Believe what he was saying. Because he couldn’t hold back his tears if he didn’t. 

After that, he went out of the bathroom, going back to Chan and Hyunjin’s room. And on his way, he saw his manager, looking at his phone. 

“Changbin-ah, are you okay? I was coming to see you guys.” 

“Manager-nim...?” 

The man softly smiled to the rapper, trying himself to smile to reassure the boy. 

“Felix is alright.” 

Those words. Those words were so good to hear. 

With his voice, shaking, Changbin repeated. 

“He... he is alright?” 

It was like hearing the words from his manager were unbelievable. 

“Yes. They were afraid that the injury on his head was serious and needed to do some test, but he is alright. He has a pretty bad concussion, and some broken ribs, so he has to stay here for a while, but he is alright. He’s alive.” 

And the smile on Changbin’s face at the moment was the best thing he saw that day. 

At that moment, from behind him, he heard Minho. 

“Felix...Can we see him?” 

The boy had opened the door to see him, coming to search for Changbin, worried. Behind him, Chan and Woojin -who heard everything, got up and went near to their manager. 

“Now he is under the doctor's surveillance, so you can’t see him until tomorrow. But he’s fine, don’t worry.” 

Hope and relief were visible in their eyes. 

_One._

There was one of their brothers who still needed to be okay. 

* * *

The boys were in front of Felix’s room. The room had a window, so they could see him. 

Relied to an IV and a heart-monitor. Lying on the bed, his eyes shut. If it wasn’t for the bandage around his head, all the visible injuries on his now pale body, decorating his skin like mosaics. If it wasn’t for them, they could almost believe he was sleeping. 

Chan, Woojin, Changbin and Minho were there, watching his chest moving, like every time he took a breath, a new hope was born in them. 

“Hyung!” 

They directly looked to where the voice came from. 

“Jeongin! Seungmin!” 

The maknaes run to them, smiling, tears rolling down their face. The manager was the one who woke them up to tell them the new. 

“Felix...” 

They were watching the boy too. Happy because he was alive. Sad because of how he was. 

But he was breathing. He was alive. And soon, he’ll be with them again, laughing with them. 

And finally, Seungmin spoke. 

“Hyunjin woke up.” 

They all looked up to Seungmin when they heard the boy. 

“He woke up?” 

Seungmin sadly smiled. 

“Yes. He woke up too and had a panic attack. He said that he wanted to come here too but the nurse had to inject him sedatives. He’s sleeping again now.” 

It reassured them, in a way. To know that at least, he opened his eyes. 

And their manager came after that. He looked a little down, but smiled when he saw the boys looking at him with concern. 

“You called their families, Manager-nim?” 

Because after what they learned, the company and the families were the first that the manager had to call. 

The man nodded to the leader’s question. 

“Yes. Hyunjin’s family is on their way here...but Felix’s family is in Australia and Jisung’s on Malaysia. They won’t be there before tomorrow.” 

The boys sadly nodded. Their families must be so worried. And they can’t even be able to be there with them. It was the worst thing, they were sure. 

* * *

Waiting. They were still waiting. 

Felix’s room was next to the operating room on which Jisung was now under intensive care. 

They didn’t have any news. They didn’t know about how he was. No news. 

Seungmin and Jeongin were sitting on the seat in front of the room, the youngest trying not to sleep. Seungmin didn’t even want to sleep. Because he knew that the instant he would close his eyes, he was going to see the worse scenarios about his brothers. Because he prefers waiting with the others, in silence, rather seeing Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin injured in his dreams. 

Chan was sitting next to them. Woojin forced him tp sit down because the leader seemed to forget that he was also injured. Even if Chan wanted to see Felix, he was also injured. He was also in the accident. 

Woojin was just watching to Felix, his eyes fixed on him since he was able to see him. As the eleest, he wanted to be there for the members. He wanted to help them. But he couldn’t do anything. Even comforting the others seemed hard, because he couldn’t even comfort himself. He was afraid for Jisung. 

Changbin was next to the eldest, breathing in synchronisation with Felix. Like the younger’s breath was the only thing keeping him alive. And waiting for Jisung was horrible. Waiting for his brother, the boy he shared so many moments with, in the studios. The boy he cried with, laughed with. His member. His brother. 

And Minho. He felt horrible, honestly. He was so lost. He wanted to throw up, to cry, to sleep. He wanted to do all of this at the same time. Supporting his own body was challenging. The only thing that could comfort him right now would be to see Jisung. To hold Jisung’s hand. 

Right then, the door of the operating room opened, a doctor coming out from there. 

They all got up, going to the doctor. And the man knew what they wanted just by seeing their eyes. 

“Is he alright?” 

Chan asked, directly. 

“The operation is long. From now, I can’t tell you anything. But we need blood. He lost a lot of blood and we don’t have enough for the operation. So, if there’s anyone from his family or someone with the same blood type...” 

His family isn’t there. But they know that both Woojin and Hyunjin were the same blood type as him. 

“I can give blood.” 

Woojin directly said. Hyunjin couldn’t give blood now and if it was to save his brother, he didn’t care about how much blood they needed. Because he was their older brother. 

Because he needed to be there for them. 

So, the eldest boy left them, following a nurse to complete the files he had to before donating. 

The other boys were silent. If Jisung needed blood, it wasn’t good. It wasn’t a good new. 

“Will... will Jisung hyung be okay?” 

The doctor, who was still here, looked up to see the maknae, asking him with a shaking voice. 

“We didn’t have any problems with the operation for now. For now, I can’t tell anything for sure. But he’s strong. I can see that he’s fighting. And we’ll do everything we can to save him.” 

The doctor, who had to do it a million times before, could only give an empathic look to the boys, before going back to the operating room, waiting for Woojin’s blood. 

He’s strong. 

“He’s fucking strong. Jisung will get better, so stop looking like this.” 

He’s strong. 

* * *

Chan went to see Woojin after the boy gave his blood – a pretty big quantity, actually, so he had to stay still in Chan’s bed for a while until he feels better. 

He didn’t want to stay there, he wanted to be with the others. He wanted to hear about Jisung, to see Felix, but for now, if he tried to go there, he knew that he could feel bad because he gave his blood, and worrying the others in this situation was the last thing he wanted to do. And here, at least, he could have an eye on Hyunjin, so it wasn’t that bad. 

“Woojin-hyung...” 

Woojin looked to see Chan, looking at him. 

“Yeah?” 

He breathed. 

“You know, you don’t need to pretend to be strong for us. I mean, just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean you can’t show emotions.” 

Yes, he tried to act strong for the others. He wasn’t the type to cry easily, but sure, he was sad. He felt like the others, but if they knew that he, the eldest, was feeling down, they couldn’t have any other reasons to believe that Jisung was alright. 

He was trying. Trying to act strong. 

“Same goes for you. You’re the leader, but you don’t have to act always strong and keep everything to yourself.” 

Because, as the leader, Chan was doing the same. He was trying to be there for the others, forgetting himself. 

“Chan... what happened during the accident... you can talk to us, you know it, right?” 

The leader slowly nodded. 

He knows it. 

But he didn’t know if he was afraid of the others knowing it or of remembering everything. 

He looked to the ground, trying to hide his now probably teary eyes, squeezing his own hand with the other one, trying to stop it from shaking. 

“He... Felix’s head was bleeding hyung. I... I was so afraid... I was afraid of losing him...” He stopped for a moment, the memories slowly taking life in his head. “And... then I saw Jisung... he-he flew out of the car, hyung. He... he was lying on the ground, bleeding...” 

_Blood was coming out from the younger_ _’_ _s body, painting his now abnormally pale skin. He wasn’t moving, barely breathing, almost... almost dead._

He ended up crying on Woojin’s arms, the oldest, terrified about how Chan also described him how the car fell, was also crying. 

“They’ll be okay, Chan-ah. They’ll be okay...” 

And he hoped so. Because now, even for him, it was hard to believe his own words. 

* * *

“Changbin, stop.” 

The said boy didn’t answer, looking to the two empty seats in front of him. Seungmin and Jeongin were sitting there earlier, clearly tired. But, no matter how much they wanted to sleep, they couldn’t. 

Jeongin, who hated to cry in front of the the others, has left them, saying that he needed to go to the bathroom. But they weren’t stupid, and Seungmin has joined him after ten minutes, when they noticed that the boy was taking too long. 

Now, the two of them, Changbin and Minho, were alone in the hallway, Felix still sleeping. 

“I said stop.” 

But when Changbin didn’t answer, not really listening to him, Minho went next to the younger, holding his right arm with one his hand. 

“Don’t.” 

On Changbin’s left arm, nail marks, shaped like a crescent moon, were visible. He didn’t notice what he was doing, actually. 

“It will leave marks, if you continue.” 

Again, Changbin didn’t answer, looking to the marks on his arm. 

“Hyung... “ 

And the only word he finally said were followed with tears, while the youngest fell on the other’s arm, crying and shaking. 

No words needed to be said. Minho, hugging Changbin, trying to stop the newly formed tears in his eyes to fall and Changbin, squeezing Minho’s shirt like his life depended on it, like Felix and Jisung’s life depended on it, were enough. 

* * *

“Jeongin-ah. You need to get out, now.” 

Seungmin was sitting against the wall of the bathroom, next to the door of the cabinet where Jeongin was. 

“I know what you’re doing. I can hear you, you know?” 

_I can hear you crying._

“Please... leave me alone...” 

Jeongin said, with his shaky voice, trying to hide that he was crying. 

“Jisung’s operation is going well. Hyunjin is out and okay. And Felix is doing well too.” 

They know it. So why were they like this? Why were they crying? Because of the fear they felt? Or maybe because of the fear they still had? 

“They asked for blood.... Hyung lost a lot of blood... Hyung... I don’t want this....” 

Yes. Seungmin too, got more worried when he heard what the doctor said. I Jisung needed blood, it could only mean that he was in a critical situation. That he lost a lot of blood... that he is suffering. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want any of these 

“I don’t want these... I don’t want them to be there... I want to see Felix hyung dancing on Girl groups songs... I want to see Hyunjin and Jisung hyung bickering, doing stupid stuff... “ 

“I know... I know Innie... But I’m sure... I’m sure that Jisung will be fine too!” 

He hoped that his voice was convincing enough. 

“How do you even know that?! You and the others keep saying that he’s fine, so why isn’t he out of the operating room like Felix and Hyunjin then?! Why is he still there, why does the doctor refuse to tell us how he is, why does he need blood if he’s fine?!” 

His voice was cracking but still shaking, tear still rolling down his face with more sadness than actual anger. 

Seungmin wasn’t ready for the youngest to explode like this, and honestly, the younger’s words were not wrong. Because every minutes Jisung passed in the operating room was giving less and less hope to them. 

“I know it, because Stray Kids began as nine... and will continue as nine.” 

And they ended up crying, both in the floor of the bathroom, until Jeongin fell asleep and Seungmin decided to help the boy to go back to the waiting room. 

* * *

Four hours. 

It has been four hours since Hyunjin was in the room. 

Three hours since Felix went out of the operating room. 

Five hours. 

It has been five hours since Jisung was in the operating room. 

They were getting desperate now. 

The manager was almost always on his phone, talking about the situation to Jisung and Felix parents. Hyunjin’s parent came directly to the hospital and they were now next to the dancer, who was still sleeping due to the sedatives and pain killers the nurses injected. 

Chan also had to call a call from his parents. The manager told the news too since he was part of the accident too. He told them that he was fine and that he didn’t need them to come here. They were hard to convince, but Chan didn’t want to see his family like this. The hospital was they least good choice to see them. And he didn’t want to worry them either. 

The other members were there too. Woojin, who was there too, was next to Jeongin, who, due to fatigue and all the emotions, has fell asleep again on the eldest’s shoulder. Seungmin was sitting next to Bang Chan and Changbin, the three of them were silent, looking to the ground our around them. 

Minho was standing next to Felix’s room, looking to the boy when he wasn’t looking to the door of the operating room. 

The manager tried to make them eat something, but none of them accepted. Bang Chan and Woojin first tried to force the youngers to eat, but they refused, and since they didn’t want to eat either, they couldn’t do anything. 

“Okay it’s getting too much. Too fucking much.” 

“Minho. Calm down.” 

Bang Chan got up to calm Minho, standing next to the boy. 

“I can’t, okay? I can’t fucking calm down. Why do they take so much time?! If Jisung was fine, he should be out for a long time now!” Minho shouted, shocking Seungmin. 

They can understand. They understand why he was like this. They want to see the others as much as him, but they were trying. Trying to stay calm. To wait. 

“Minho, shouting won’t help. You need to wait.” 

Minho looked to Chan, furious. 

“Wait? It has been hours, hyung, and you’re telling me to wait? Wait for what? If they need to stay so long, it only means that he is-” 

A loud noise was heard in the hallway, cutting Minho. 

It was Changbin. 

Changbin slapped Minho. 

“Don’t you dare say this word, Lee Minho. I’ve known Jisung for long enough to know that he won’t abandon like this! You’re not the only one who’s hurt, okay? We’re waiting too, you know? We are waiting for Felix to open his eyes and Jisung to be out! We’re waiting, just like you! Because there’s nothing else we can do!” 

Changbin was looking at Minho with rage and anger. But, if you know him, you can see that it was mostly pain. 

Pain because he was afraid for Jisung. Pain because he was hurt, seeing Felix like this. Pain because Hyunjin was injured. 

The nine members were all hurt. In a different way maybe, but they were hurt. 

The atmosphere was now heavy, and Jeongin, because of all the noise, was awake, starring in a confused way to the furious Changbin and Minho’s red cheek. 

But before the two older could calm them, a voice cut them. 

The doctor was here, out of the operating room. 

“You are here for Han Jisung, right?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second part! I think there's only one part left (and I may do a serie with this about the consequences and all- good or bad, after all, who knows if I'm going to do a happy or a sad end...)
> 
> Btw, I mostly inspired Changbin from myself since we're both leos ( don't ask me , I just love astrology) and also Woojin because as the eldest sibling, I was also trying to be strong for my brother when one of my family member ended up in the hospital (everything's fine now thank God)!
> 
> Also this chapter was to show the Pov of all the members (well, except the three injured ones)!
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes and typos!
> 
> Let me know what you thought, it's always good to know!
> 
> Akame~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't blame me, I was listening to piano covers while writing this and it sounded sad ...^^'

When  Hyunjin opened his eyes, he couldn’t tell where he was.  Actually, his memories were pretty blurry. It took him a moment to come to himself. 

The first thing he noticed was a white ceiling. A white and boring ceiling. Then, when he was awake enough to look around him, he saw that he was in a white room. The second bed, the walls, everything was white. An annoying, boring, scary white. 

He doesn’t like this. Because it reminds him of hospitals, and hospitals weren’t synonyms of “good news”, in fact. That’s what bothered him. Because, he finally noticed it :

He was in a hospital. 

Why? It took him a while to remember it. Maybe it was because of the IV on his arm, or maybe it was the fatigue.

“I’m sorry. They didn’t make it.” 

That’s only when he noticed the other persons in the room. They were blurry, but he saw s ix persons.  Five of them looked familiar, but the one left was a stranger. 

“They couldn’t.  Th e y stopped breathing during the operation,  their heart s stopped beating. I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but it wasn’t enough.”

The one who said that was wearing a white blouse. A doctor. 

And  Hyunjin recognised the five others.  Woojin , Minho,  Changbin ,  Seungmin and  Jeongin .  Crying. Crying their hearts out. 

But he cou ldn’t see  _ them.  _ There was no sign of Chan, Felix and Jisung. 

_ They didn’t make it. _

And he started breathing heavily, unable to calm. His lungs were hurting, hurting like he was going to throw them out. But his heart... his heart was worse. It was aching like it never did before. But he knew it wasn’t physical. 

_ It was his emotions.  _

And then, he opened his eyes for the second time. Everything was almost the same. 

The same room, with the scary white walls. The same bed, the same IV in his arm. But now, there was no one in his room. None of them. He was alone in this scary room.  His parents were on the cafeteria of the hospital, but it wasn’t like he knew they came. 

He wasn’t feeling good enough to understand that the first thing was a dream. Not quickly enough to avoid the fear. 

While he was trying to breath, holding his shirt- a hospital shirt- with his hand, his hand that was shaking like crazy, everything came back to him.

_ The conductor, throwing their phones out of the window, shooting with a gun. Them, screaming as loud as they could, like it was going to change anything. Screaming for their lives, screaming because of the fear. Screaming like they never did.  _

_ Then? Nothing. Darkness. But not a reposing darkness. Because he, he could still feel the pain. The pain in his head, like someone was hitting him. The pain in his arm, every move he imagined doing was hurting him more than  _ _ actually doing _ _ it.  _

_ Pain and darkness. Not a good  _ _ mix. _

_ And, before darkness made him forget about his pain, making him faint, he heard it.  _

_ He heard Chan screaming.  _

_ And, even if he was unable to hear what he screamed, a part of him, a part of him who didn’t want to hear the pained scream, was sure that what Chan yelled was one of his brother’s name.  _

No  no no no no . No. It couldn’t be. His dream, his nightmare.... it couldn’t be real. Chan was okay. Felix was okay. Jisung was okay. 

His brothers were doing fine. They were still breathing. 

And, ignoring the pain when he ripped off his IV, the pain that was nothing next to the fear of losing his brothers, he ran. Ran out of the empty room, ran in the empty hallway . He ignored his feet hurting because he wasn’t wearing any shoes or the fact that he didn’t know where he was running. And his injured arm that was aching at every move he did. He ignored it.

Heck, he didn’t even hear the nurses screaming to him, telling him to calm down. 

And then, he saw them.  Woojin , Minho,  Changbin ,  Seungmin and Jeongin. And the doctor. 

Like in his dream. But now, Chan, with some band aids here and there, was here too. 

He didn’t hear everything, but only one part. One part that made him wish he was  d ea f. 

“...his heart stopped during the operation...”

Hyunjin could felt like he received an electric shock, like he couldn’t control his breath anymore. He was scared. The fear of one his brother being gone, the fear of never seeing him again, mixed with the fear of dying because of the lack of oxygen, dying and not seeing his other brothers again, was the worst thing he experienced.

And now, he was pretty  sure his own heart stopped breathing too as he heavily fell on his knees in front of everyone. 

* * *

“ Yes, we’re here for Han Jisung.”

The atmosphere was heavy and all they could hear for the moment was their own respiration, waiting for the doctor’s sentence as if it was going to decide. To decide if they were going to be able to breathe again. 

Like the sentence he was going to say, the words he was going to pronounce, were the key to their existence. As if he was holding their reason to live in his mouth, having the choice between giving it to them or not. 

“He did it. The operation was hard and long, and we weren’t sure if he was going to make it, but he did. He is a  fighter, I can say that. His heart stopped beating  during the operation bu-”

They never heard the end of the sentence as a loud noise caught their attention. All of them turned their back to see  Hyunjin on his knees, one hand, the one in a plaster, on his chest while the other one was on the floor to support him. 

Seungmin was the first one to react, quickly followed with the others and the doctor, and he ran to the dancer. 

“Hyunjin- calm down” 

Hyunjin couldn’t hear it, he was shaking so hard, the doctor’s words were repeating on his head, and he couldn’t escape from this. 

_ His heart stopped beating during the operation. _ The words were repeating like a song, a demonic song he wanted to stop hearing, a song that makes him wish he was deaf. He didn’t realise how breathing has become something hard until he really felt in lack of air. 

“Hyunjin, I want you to breath with me, can you do this?”

A voice he wasn’t familiar with asked him, trying to calm the boy down. And, listening to the voice counting every of his inspirations, congratulating him every time he did it,  Hyunjin’s respiration came back to normal.  The world, which was no longer blurry, seemed to regain all its colours. He wasn’t dying. He was okay. 

Once everything came back to normal, he saw that his band mates were in front of him, looking at him in a worried way. And before he could find the strength to speak, he felt a pair of arms taking him in a hug. 

Jeongin, crying, was holding on him, being careful for his broken left arm. He hid his face on the hollow of the elder’s neck, his cry being now a muffled noise. 

“Hyung...”

But  Hyunjin , who was crying as well, didn’t answer the younger. He was looking at their leader with teary eyes, breaking everyone’s heart. 

“H-hyung...”

His voice, broken and shaking, was followed with even more tears. 

“Hyunjin, it’s okay. Everything is okay.” 

Jeongin was now on  Woojin’s arm, while Bang Chan was rubbing  Hyunjin’s back. The doctor was still here, waiting for them to calm down.  The other members where just looking at him, worriedly.

“Hy-Hyung are you... are-”

“I’m here,  Hyunjin . I’m okay. I’m okay.” Bang Chan said, seeing that  Hyunjin wasn’t able to continue without breaking down. 

“ Jisung and Felix...  hyung ... where are they?” 

He was looking to Chan with pleading eyes, secretly asking him to tell him that they were okay, because if not, he couldn’t live. He couldn’t do it. 

“They’re fine. Felix is alive.  Jisung is alive. We are all fine,  Hyunjin . We are all fine.”

And he swears he saw it. He saw how tears of fear in  Hyunjin’s eyes became tears of happiness. 

“B-but he said... the doctor said his heart...”  Hyunjin didn’t continue his sentence, knowing that he could never say those words. 

And suddenly, Chan understood the younger’s reaction.

“Yes, I know, but now,  Jisung is fine. He’ll be fine. And Felix too.”

And, even if he said this sentence to  Hyunjin , the leader’s words made all the members cry. Cry of happiness.

Because now, they know that Stray Kids will remain as nine. 

* * *

Felix was the first one to wake up. Four days after  Jisung came out of the surgery. At that time, he was still connected to a heart monitor, but was now on a normal room.

It took him time to remember all the accident, because of his concussion. But when he did, his reaction was almost  similar to Hyunjin’s one. 

When the heart monitor started going crazy because the poor boy who just woke up started hyperventilating, seeing only 7 of his band mates and remembering the accident, a nurse had to inject him sedatives. And he didn’t wake up until one day after. 

_ “H- _ _ hyung _ _...” _

_ It was the only thing he could say while  _ _ struggling with breathing and crying, before the nurse asked them to get out of the room. _

Jisung , during that time, was still under surveillance, and the members could only see him through the glass window, like with Felix four days before.

After that, because they couldn’t sleep at the hospital, the company forced them to go to the dorms. Only two of them could stay, and the doctors asked to  Hyunjin to avoid coming there because he needed to rest. But of course, before, he had to go to the police station with Chan. They needed to file a complaint so the conductor who was responsible for this was found. 

Their parents all came too, but they weren’t always in the hospital, mostly because the  hospital didn’t want them to worry too much.

So, the day after Felix woke up for the first time,  Woojin was the one who stayed by his side. Minho was also here, but he wanted to see  Jisung , so he left the room earlier. 

“Hyung...”

Woojin quickly looked to Felix who was now awake and looking at him, calmly, but still worriedly. 

“Felix. Are you okay?”

Woojin was smiling at him, relieved that he didn’t have the same reaction as yesterday. But he still pressed the button to call someone to tell them that he was awake.

“I... Hyung... the others?” 

Woojin didn’t know if Felix remembered yesterday, but he smiled at him.

“They’re all okay. Chan is at the dorm with  Hyunjin , and  Sungie is in a room. He’s okay too, don’t worry.”

He didn’t say much about  Jisung’s condition, he didn’t want to worry the Aussie.

“And you...? You weren’t in an accident too... right?”

Felix’s voice was  calm and he was speaking slowly, like he already prepared himself to everything, which hurt  Woojin’s heart. Because in his condition, he shouldn’t be caring for the others.

“Everyone is alright, lix. We’re all fine. Everything will be like before, don’t worry.”

* * *

Jisung had broken ribs, a bad concussion  and also a fractured leg. Also, a big wound that was now healing.

After a while, when they were sure that he was good and didn’t risk anything anymore, he was finally on a normal room. He was still unconscious, but at least they could be next to him from now.

After two weeks, Felix was out of the hospital, he just needed to be careful about his ribs. 

The fans knew about the accident, even if the company choose to stay silent about the conductor until he was found, because yes, he was still free, somewhere. Free while they fought for their lives. Free while, two weeks after,  Jisung was still not awake. 

The doctors said that it was because of the concussion, but they still wanted to see him opening his eyes.

Deep inside, they all want to know. Why did the conductor try to kill them? Was he an anti-fan? What have they done to him for him to hate them so much? 

Chan was feeling guilty. The guilt he had after what he did. It wasn't his fault, but know, he felt so guilty for shouting to him. Because he'll maybe never be able to excuse... At least, it was what he thought about while  Jisung was still in surgery. Of course, the fact he shouted at him didn’t have anything to do with the accident, but Chan wanted to excuse. Because now, every time he closed his eyes, he could only see  Jisung’s sad, hurt face when he shouted at him...because it was the last time he actually saw the younger’s face. And he doesn’t want it.

So when, in the morning when he came to the hospital, he saw the younger smiling at him in his bed, he was only able to say one word. 

“Sorry...”

He said it, with tears rolling down his face but still a happy smile on his lips. 

And the younger just smiled at him. He smiled at him, and finally, his sad face when he shouted at him and his face decorated with his own blood were replaced with his smile in Chan's mind.

“Thank you, hyung.”

Chan didn’t know why the younger thanked him, but he didn’t mention it as he hugged him tightly.

_Thank you,_ _hyung_ _. Because Stray kids made me stay._   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA GOT YOU!
> 
> But I was really listening to piano covers and I thought about doing a sad end, even if since the beginning I knew it as going to be a happy end! And, just saying, I may or may not make a whole serie with this story soooo ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> You finally know btw why the story is called "Guilt". Actually it was supposed to be called" You're young" because it wasn't supposed to be like this. I had another idea but not enough idea for all the plot and it ended being this XD But I still have my original idea so i'll probably write it one day!
> 
> I'm not really proud about the second last part, but I was too lazy to write about how Felix felt XD 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought about the story! And if you like Jisung angsts check my other stories and stay tuned ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. Chapter 4

I created a series as promised! Go to check! The next work is "Broken Compass". I hope you're not sensitive ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker!  
> It's not really well written but I wanted to post it anyway!  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated 👉👈  
> Akame


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